....exactly 4 min after writing the previous entry...
....I received a text letting me know I'm the object of fantasy and a mental image of me is used while masturbation....
.......I'm gonna vomit now.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I'm F**K'n Tired of you.......
You know that friend that's:
1) Clingy
2) needs attention all the fucking time
3) makes you un'comfortable
4) appears to be blind and deaf at the same time
5) acts like Jessica simpson
6) can't clearly see their over stepping them selves
........
.....
......First off lemme state I'm not an angel.
...secondly I guess I have been guilty of 1 or 2 of those things once or twice in my life..but never like a crazy stalker!!!....butttttt this is about it being done 2 me...and more friends are doing it to me every day...
...if we just started texting last week thursday....and had one phone convo friday night, don't tell me that I'm
1) fuckin sexxy (cause u don't know that for sure)
That I'm
2) perfect (cause even if I was I would fight against that every day)
That I'm
3) the best, good person, caring, amazing, smart...
.....too much compliments are annoying..it makes me wanna kill myself.....the compliments stop after you call me "cute"..
... the rest is the biggest annoying thing u can do (guy or girl)
...DON'T FUCKIN BE A CLINGY ASS BITCH.......its not cute to attach ur self to some 1 soo quickly..its not co0l to wanna pretend to be dating.....its not right to make ur self think I'm interested, if everytime you bring up "FUCKING"......I bring up the latest C.D's that are out in stores.
.......I don't mind hearing ur problems..but truth remains that if ur able 2 afford a phone to text and call me on...then u are indeed not that bad off...more pple have it worse than you.
....don't ask me for a FUCKING HUG every 4 minutes....don't call me "Boo"
....I'm not Casper
........ughhhhhh its like we went from being friends to me being your father, husband, bestfriend, brother, lover and slave all @ once.......
...........I'm doing this thing now where I'll just cut you off.....its been done to me, so y not pass it forward?!
.............don't be a Sponge and try to soak me up. Don't offer me money, just because I happen 2 tell u getting my license is not easy for me these days. Don't try and explain us moving in together during the summer...Actually don't talk to me about "US" period....
....just be a friend. I am to you right?
And if I wasn't I'm sure I'd hear you running your mouth about it.
..........."if u want luv, go get your father."
.....this message has been brought to by one pissed off black kid.
1) Clingy
2) needs attention all the fucking time
3) makes you un'comfortable
4) appears to be blind and deaf at the same time
5) acts like Jessica simpson
6) can't clearly see their over stepping them selves
........
.....
......First off lemme state I'm not an angel.
...secondly I guess I have been guilty of 1 or 2 of those things once or twice in my life..but never like a crazy stalker!!!....butttttt this is about it being done 2 me...and more friends are doing it to me every day...
...if we just started texting last week thursday....and had one phone convo friday night, don't tell me that I'm
1) fuckin sexxy (cause u don't know that for sure)
That I'm
2) perfect (cause even if I was I would fight against that every day)
That I'm
3) the best, good person, caring, amazing, smart...
.....too much compliments are annoying..it makes me wanna kill myself.....the compliments stop after you call me "cute"..
... the rest is the biggest annoying thing u can do (guy or girl)
...DON'T FUCKIN BE A CLINGY ASS BITCH.......its not cute to attach ur self to some 1 soo quickly..its not co0l to wanna pretend to be dating.....its not right to make ur self think I'm interested, if everytime you bring up "FUCKING"......I bring up the latest C.D's that are out in stores.
.......I don't mind hearing ur problems..but truth remains that if ur able 2 afford a phone to text and call me on...then u are indeed not that bad off...more pple have it worse than you.
....don't ask me for a FUCKING HUG every 4 minutes....don't call me "Boo"
....I'm not Casper
........ughhhhhh its like we went from being friends to me being your father, husband, bestfriend, brother, lover and slave all @ once.......
...........I'm doing this thing now where I'll just cut you off.....its been done to me, so y not pass it forward?!
.............don't be a Sponge and try to soak me up. Don't offer me money, just because I happen 2 tell u getting my license is not easy for me these days. Don't try and explain us moving in together during the summer...Actually don't talk to me about "US" period....
....just be a friend. I am to you right?
And if I wasn't I'm sure I'd hear you running your mouth about it.
..........."if u want luv, go get your father."
.....this message has been brought to by one pissed off black kid.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
yeah. I'm trying 2 make you fall for me..sorta ...
So on the 10'th of January I noticed I had received a friend request among 5 or 6...
....now that I think about it, its probably been there with the other but I ignored it because the other ones were bands (I'm tired of Bands hittingme up)
......so here's the next chain of events..... my heart is smiling right now =)
...here we go.
.....I lo0ked at the request's and ofcourse the latest 1 was from a person.
.......thinking this was myspace, I did what I always do.
1) lo0k @ the amount of friends they have. Only so I could see if its a fake profile..
....2) their pics =)
.........
.....then I usually just go head and leave them a "Thanks for the add" or a "PreShate the add"
.......so I did that =)
.....Then I decided lemme lo0k at the pics....and then "it" happened.
....it was like a breath of fresh-air in a ro0m filled with smog.
......I left a few comments on some pics....
.......then I forgot to sign off....and the next day got a message from said person.
....the Subject read as follows:
"Are you...."
....and I'm not gonna reveal the whole message because that would take away the validity of it (in my mind)
.......then I figured I'd respond....and try and putmy best fo0t forward and sound as smart as possible...Never again! :(
......I naturally have a sense of humo that some can grasp and most don't get and a select few love and relate to....
.......I should have kept it short and thankful =)
.....
.......maybe I'm over thinking it or maybe I'm crushing...
...in anycase I talked myself into not ho0king up till I'm 100percent happy this year so that I can make some 1 else happy...makes sense right?...that's a blog entry for another day.
......so anyway...I'm crushing.
...I like it. I like to think that in my mind some 1 that lo0ks like pure perfection could actually like me...even as a friend.......
....its like getting a gift after christmas...and you think its not really gonna be the best gift ever...and then your wrong.....
...
.....
..........I feel like shit.
..ugly even.
....its time 2 get serious....and work on "ME"....how else am I gonna get a chance right?
........
....now that I think about it, its probably been there with the other but I ignored it because the other ones were bands (I'm tired of Bands hittingme up)
......so here's the next chain of events..... my heart is smiling right now =)
...here we go.
.....I lo0ked at the request's and ofcourse the latest 1 was from a person.
.......thinking this was myspace, I did what I always do.
1) lo0k @ the amount of friends they have. Only so I could see if its a fake profile..
....2) their pics =)
.........
.....then I usually just go head and leave them a "Thanks for the add" or a "PreShate the add"
.......so I did that =)
.....Then I decided lemme lo0k at the pics....and then "it" happened.
....it was like a breath of fresh-air in a ro0m filled with smog.
......I left a few comments on some pics....
.......then I forgot to sign off....and the next day got a message from said person.
....the Subject read as follows:
"Are you...."
....and I'm not gonna reveal the whole message because that would take away the validity of it (in my mind)
.......then I figured I'd respond....and try and putmy best fo0t forward and sound as smart as possible...Never again! :(
......I naturally have a sense of humo that some can grasp and most don't get and a select few love and relate to....
.......I should have kept it short and thankful =)
.....
.......maybe I'm over thinking it or maybe I'm crushing...
...in anycase I talked myself into not ho0king up till I'm 100percent happy this year so that I can make some 1 else happy...makes sense right?...that's a blog entry for another day.
......so anyway...I'm crushing.
...I like it. I like to think that in my mind some 1 that lo0ks like pure perfection could actually like me...even as a friend.......
....its like getting a gift after christmas...and you think its not really gonna be the best gift ever...and then your wrong.....
...
.....
..........I feel like shit.
..ugly even.
....its time 2 get serious....and work on "ME"....how else am I gonna get a chance right?
........
"09"....lets discuss it a little bit..
Toward the ending of 08 I:
1) Quit my job to prove a point
2) spent all the money I had saved up trying to prove a point
And told every 1 I was ok, to prove a point =)
......all this before december...
........now that 09 is here I'm already feeling behind.
..........I'm not caring about proving points, but I made 08 the "year of licenses" and now I'm realizing there's not much work I can get with my Fire Gaurd license........isn't that great?!
.....January 13'th and I haven't found a job relatiing to my licenses....
.......I'll spare the boring parts and just head right over to craigsList I guess....But first I need to discuss some 1.
....Proceed to next and most recent entry please =)
1) Quit my job to prove a point
2) spent all the money I had saved up trying to prove a point
And told every 1 I was ok, to prove a point =)
......all this before december...
........now that 09 is here I'm already feeling behind.
..........I'm not caring about proving points, but I made 08 the "year of licenses" and now I'm realizing there's not much work I can get with my Fire Gaurd license........isn't that great?!
.....January 13'th and I haven't found a job relatiing to my licenses....
.......I'll spare the boring parts and just head right over to craigsList I guess....But first I need to discuss some 1.
....Proceed to next and most recent entry please =)
Friday, October 31, 2008
My father is in the Hospital...
My father is in the Hospital...
I don't even know where to begin this entry as far as how to start it....
....so I'll start with when I got the call and a lil background info as well:
....a little after 1 o'clock today I called my moms just to say hi......after letting me say "hi" she cut me off and told me my sister (who's now about 8months pregnant) was a crying a little earlier. And of course that's not good for the baby and I knew if my mother was sharing this with me there was more to come. She asked me if I was listening to her and I said "Yes - hurry up because I'm not on break and not supposed to be on the phone"
....she said "it" bluntly"
...my father is sick and last night they took him t the hospital.
....I asked how she knew and she told me that his sister had called her. The whole time my mom and my aunt was talking, my sister was listening.....now if you don't know (and I know you don't) it should be said that she luvs her daddy...she's a daddies girl in every way possible...it was already bothering her that he's in Florida and wouldn't be able to come to her baby shower in December, but to now have to go thru this ???..its too much for her....rather than call her I decided to not call her ad let her cry all she wants---i couldn't stand to hear her sobs.
.......after I hung up. I started thinking about him and the 2 yeas I lived with him when I was in elementary school.
.....first thought was the way he laughed. A lot of pple used to say I laughed like him. I always dismissed it. I thought of how he walked into a room, how he looked when he was thinking and how he ate, how he was when he was angry and how he used to love to find any excuse to tell a child hood story. I thought about how he could speak Latin and I always felt a little stupid near him. I remembered how he used to always leave about 2 buttons un'done on his shirt and I always said I would never do that and now I do. I remember how I was jealous of my sister. That's where the problems began. It always seemed like I couldn't compete..I'm older than her and yet felt small....it was bad enough my grandmother never really treated us the same and that irked me, but to feel that from my father pushed me away from him.
....that last time I seen him in person I was about 12 or 13. And I did that on purpose. Avoiding him when ever he would come over to visit, and when ever he would call.
....I'm in my twenties now and its just baffling how I I thought I was done with him and it took hearing this to realize I'm not.
....while remembering all these things my eyes started to water. I didn't want t cry because obviously I'm at work and I hate crying. So I usually don't. Then before I knew it the teas had built soo much they were almost running out. I had to go out into the cold air and look up at the sky in hopes they would sink back in.
.......I guess it hurts because I never called him "Dad"....
...I now think of how cool it would be to call him up and probably say something like " hey DAD I'm now a licensed FireGuard" ...or "I got my real estate license"....or just to ask his opinion on something...I didn't any male influences growing up......every mistake I made (and still making) I made and make on my own.
.....I once said if he died I wouldn't even attend his funeral and now I'm wishing god would take me first.
...I wouldn't make it thru the funeral...let along the rest of my life with out him.
...
...I thought I was punishing him but not speaking to him but obviously I'm feeling it now...
.....apart of me wants to call the hospital he's in and ask if he's going to be ok. And apart of me is scared....thing about him is that he's always forgiving.
....I know he'd talk to me if I called him, but I don't know where to even begin...I feel like a lot has fallen on my shoulders already as far as work and life in general and now to make a mends with my sick father?....
....he used to carry me on his shoulders when I was little...
...bought me my first bike when I was 9.
........taught me how to pray before going to sleep.
...fuckkk I'm crying now....I'm writing this in my bathroom
....about 10min has passed by because I can't control myself...I feel like he's dead and I didn't get a chance to say anything to him...
......I don't know what's wrong, but my cousin told me he was on medication and stopped taking them a few months ago.
.......maybe he didn't have the money or maybe he just didn't want to live the rest of his life taking meds....I feel that way.
..........every1 is eating dinner and I'm prolly going to skip it and head straight t my room.
....I want to ask what hospital he's in but my sister has finally calmed down and I don't want to upset her....I'll just stay here. Alone with my memories of my dad... alone with my emotions and tears and un controllable shaking, and headache.....I feel like dying.
....Happy "FUCKING" Halloween???
.........yeah Right !!!!
I don't even know where to begin this entry as far as how to start it....
....so I'll start with when I got the call and a lil background info as well:
....a little after 1 o'clock today I called my moms just to say hi......after letting me say "hi" she cut me off and told me my sister (who's now about 8months pregnant) was a crying a little earlier. And of course that's not good for the baby and I knew if my mother was sharing this with me there was more to come. She asked me if I was listening to her and I said "Yes - hurry up because I'm not on break and not supposed to be on the phone"
....she said "it" bluntly"
...my father is sick and last night they took him t the hospital.
....I asked how she knew and she told me that his sister had called her. The whole time my mom and my aunt was talking, my sister was listening.....now if you don't know (and I know you don't) it should be said that she luvs her daddy...she's a daddies girl in every way possible...it was already bothering her that he's in Florida and wouldn't be able to come to her baby shower in December, but to now have to go thru this ???..its too much for her....rather than call her I decided to not call her ad let her cry all she wants---i couldn't stand to hear her sobs.
.......after I hung up. I started thinking about him and the 2 yeas I lived with him when I was in elementary school.
.....first thought was the way he laughed. A lot of pple used to say I laughed like him. I always dismissed it. I thought of how he walked into a room, how he looked when he was thinking and how he ate, how he was when he was angry and how he used to love to find any excuse to tell a child hood story. I thought about how he could speak Latin and I always felt a little stupid near him. I remembered how he used to always leave about 2 buttons un'done on his shirt and I always said I would never do that and now I do. I remember how I was jealous of my sister. That's where the problems began. It always seemed like I couldn't compete..I'm older than her and yet felt small....it was bad enough my grandmother never really treated us the same and that irked me, but to feel that from my father pushed me away from him.
....that last time I seen him in person I was about 12 or 13. And I did that on purpose. Avoiding him when ever he would come over to visit, and when ever he would call.
....I'm in my twenties now and its just baffling how I I thought I was done with him and it took hearing this to realize I'm not.
....while remembering all these things my eyes started to water. I didn't want t cry because obviously I'm at work and I hate crying. So I usually don't. Then before I knew it the teas had built soo much they were almost running out. I had to go out into the cold air and look up at the sky in hopes they would sink back in.
.......I guess it hurts because I never called him "Dad"....
...I now think of how cool it would be to call him up and probably say something like " hey DAD I'm now a licensed FireGuard" ...or "I got my real estate license"....or just to ask his opinion on something...I didn't any male influences growing up......every mistake I made (and still making) I made and make on my own.
.....I once said if he died I wouldn't even attend his funeral and now I'm wishing god would take me first.
...I wouldn't make it thru the funeral...let along the rest of my life with out him.
...
...I thought I was punishing him but not speaking to him but obviously I'm feeling it now...
.....apart of me wants to call the hospital he's in and ask if he's going to be ok. And apart of me is scared....thing about him is that he's always forgiving.
....I know he'd talk to me if I called him, but I don't know where to even begin...I feel like a lot has fallen on my shoulders already as far as work and life in general and now to make a mends with my sick father?....
....he used to carry me on his shoulders when I was little...
...bought me my first bike when I was 9.
........taught me how to pray before going to sleep.
...fuckkk I'm crying now....I'm writing this in my bathroom
....about 10min has passed by because I can't control myself...I feel like he's dead and I didn't get a chance to say anything to him...
......I don't know what's wrong, but my cousin told me he was on medication and stopped taking them a few months ago.
.......maybe he didn't have the money or maybe he just didn't want to live the rest of his life taking meds....I feel that way.
..........every1 is eating dinner and I'm prolly going to skip it and head straight t my room.
....I want to ask what hospital he's in but my sister has finally calmed down and I don't want to upset her....I'll just stay here. Alone with my memories of my dad... alone with my emotions and tears and un controllable shaking, and headache.....I feel like dying.
....Happy "FUCKING" Halloween???
.........yeah Right !!!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
CaptainsLog: I need Change..Now!!!
Don't you just hate when life fux with you?....and aint the worst part of that just waiting for things 2 return back 2 normal?...what's normal anyway???...the real you when no bodies around? Or the you that every 1 can claim they know?!
......so about 2 weex ago...I got my new Blackberry(8820)
....yay me!!! Not really cause the day I got it I was feeling and like I always do I made a purchase on impulse rather than genuine need....but now that I have it, I can't imagine how I ever lived wit out it..Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™
.....awkwardly about 2 days later I get a text from some 1 I don't know....
Side note...I was being a lazy ass--i was supposed 2 move all my contacts to the new phone, but I kept putting it off....prolly case I decided to also keep my sidekickLX on (pre'paid)....so anyway....
...I get the text--- and had a feeling I knew the person...(obviously since they got my number)
....I sent a text 2 them that read.
"Sup?....who is this?"
....I wasn't thinking when I wrote it at the time that pple might assume I deleted their number from my phone (I would assume the same and would feel bad)
.....after not getting a response, I decided 2 copy the number into my sidekickLX and 5 numbers in the name comes up in my phone....
.....
.......
...........Peeps-Fre$h.
...
.....
.........in life very few pple are special to me..granted every 1 is special in their own way..but I'm touched by this person.
......I figured they were upset so I went 2myspace and sent a lil message along with my sidekick's new number that I use for texting...I got a response......and old fears starting coming back.
...I'm not scared of this person....cause in all honesty...I can't find a single REAL flaw with in them....
Fre$h is: funny, human, synical, bad, loud, quiet, realist, childish, aggressive, goal oriented, proud, educated attractive, hardworking and I could write a million more attributes...but other than the physical what I luv (and I seldom use this word when it comes 2 pple)....is their HEART <3
....SECOND: the smile (and I haven't seen it in person, but the laugh has blown me away already
.....we always make plans and set dates and shit 2 hang....but it never goes the way its supposed to...and this is how its supposed 2 go:
We talk on the phone in our usuall playful yet serious banter...set a date..meet up and bug out or what ever...
......so what's the problem now?...prior to me receiving the text about 2 weex ago we hadn't spoken in about a month...we do hat from time 2 time...and when we start talking again its always like were still connected...
........within that month or so we hadn't spoke...a lot of shit has happend...
....main 1 being my job...I'm still employed...going on 3 months buttttt they put me at 3 days a week....mind u I get paid paid every 2 weex and taxes is a bitch...so is my bills and other shit....
....sure I can squander the money to hang....but ow that I been contacted all I can think about is that smile in person---and what clouds that is my personal issues with myself.
.....I haven't had the time 2 work out like I should....I'm no 400pound person..but I know how I'm supposed 2 lo0k...and 6'2 210 aint it...and lets be real..its prolly 225 by now (pple say I don't lo0k it..but I feel like I lo0k worse)
.....I feel intimidated...that some 1 I'm so fond of and shit would actually wanna hang with me...I don't even wanna hang with me right now.
...I peeped some new photos from their myspace page..and it seems like they got more attractive---better health etccc
..happy...I don't wanna ruin that---and usually I can fake confidence pretty well but I don't want to that's a lot of work...and Fre$h aint stupid....
.....I have reached a point where I can be honest with myself about what I'm about 2 say.....
....when ever I get depressed (cause I prolly suffer from depression)....I gain weight..and once that starts...I get upset and give up...and once I give up I gain more weight and I feel more bad and I wanna be left alone.......then 1 day I'll wake up decided I need 2 get better and lose weight the un'healthy but incredibly fast wayyyyyyyyyyy.....I prolly have an eating disorder but who really knows?!......
...
....
..
.......and I know it seems like I'm blowing this wayyyyyy out of proportion but my mind worx the way it wants 2...I can't help it.
..Fre$h if u ever read this...you now know what I wanted 2 say 2 u but couldn't...I don't feel confident because you make me weak.....I can't hang wit u because I don't know how 2 even stand hangin wt myself....I wouldn't be able 2 make you laugh the way I normaly do because on the inside I'd be thinking of ways to lo0k better in your eyes...etcccccc
...my eyes are a lil watery right now...I'm not crying or anything..cause I don't do that...I don't really know y I can't keep emm dry ....
...either wayyy I just sent 2 text's to Fre$H....its 7:41pm july 14'th 2008 ......I'm goin 2 bed at 8:30pm ....and I'm not expecting a response...I don't deserve one.
......
....
...
....
...
.....
.....
.......I dunno how 2 end this fucking entry...so I won't and when I'm 100percent better...I'll come back and continue it..or I'll leave it in the past...either way...its off my chest now and I can breath a lil bit easier....sorta.
......so about 2 weex ago...I got my new Blackberry(8820)
....yay me!!! Not really cause the day I got it I was feeling and like I always do I made a purchase on impulse rather than genuine need....but now that I have it, I can't imagine how I ever lived wit out it..Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™
.....awkwardly about 2 days later I get a text from some 1 I don't know....
Side note...I was being a lazy ass--i was supposed 2 move all my contacts to the new phone, but I kept putting it off....prolly case I decided to also keep my sidekickLX on (pre'paid)....so anyway....
...I get the text--- and had a feeling I knew the person...(obviously since they got my number)
....I sent a text 2 them that read.
"Sup?....who is this?"
....I wasn't thinking when I wrote it at the time that pple might assume I deleted their number from my phone (I would assume the same and would feel bad)
.....after not getting a response, I decided 2 copy the number into my sidekickLX and 5 numbers in the name comes up in my phone....
.....
.......
...........Peeps-Fre$h.
...
.....
.........in life very few pple are special to me..granted every 1 is special in their own way..but I'm touched by this person.
......I figured they were upset so I went 2myspace and sent a lil message along with my sidekick's new number that I use for texting...I got a response......and old fears starting coming back.
...I'm not scared of this person....cause in all honesty...I can't find a single REAL flaw with in them....
Fre$h is: funny, human, synical, bad, loud, quiet, realist, childish, aggressive, goal oriented, proud, educated attractive, hardworking and I could write a million more attributes...but other than the physical what I luv (and I seldom use this word when it comes 2 pple)....is their HEART <3
....SECOND: the smile (and I haven't seen it in person, but the laugh has blown me away already
.....we always make plans and set dates and shit 2 hang....but it never goes the way its supposed to...and this is how its supposed 2 go:
We talk on the phone in our usuall playful yet serious banter...set a date..meet up and bug out or what ever...
......so what's the problem now?...prior to me receiving the text about 2 weex ago we hadn't spoken in about a month...we do hat from time 2 time...and when we start talking again its always like were still connected...
........within that month or so we hadn't spoke...a lot of shit has happend...
....main 1 being my job...I'm still employed...going on 3 months buttttt they put me at 3 days a week....mind u I get paid paid every 2 weex and taxes is a bitch...so is my bills and other shit....
....sure I can squander the money to hang....but ow that I been contacted all I can think about is that smile in person---and what clouds that is my personal issues with myself.
.....I haven't had the time 2 work out like I should....I'm no 400pound person..but I know how I'm supposed 2 lo0k...and 6'2 210 aint it...and lets be real..its prolly 225 by now (pple say I don't lo0k it..but I feel like I lo0k worse)
.....I feel intimidated...that some 1 I'm so fond of and shit would actually wanna hang with me...I don't even wanna hang with me right now.
...I peeped some new photos from their myspace page..and it seems like they got more attractive---better health etccc
..happy...I don't wanna ruin that---and usually I can fake confidence pretty well but I don't want to that's a lot of work...and Fre$h aint stupid....
.....I have reached a point where I can be honest with myself about what I'm about 2 say.....
....when ever I get depressed (cause I prolly suffer from depression)....I gain weight..and once that starts...I get upset and give up...and once I give up I gain more weight and I feel more bad and I wanna be left alone.......then 1 day I'll wake up decided I need 2 get better and lose weight the un'healthy but incredibly fast wayyyyyyyyyyy.....I prolly have an eating disorder but who really knows?!......
...
....
..
.......and I know it seems like I'm blowing this wayyyyyy out of proportion but my mind worx the way it wants 2...I can't help it.
..Fre$h if u ever read this...you now know what I wanted 2 say 2 u but couldn't...I don't feel confident because you make me weak.....I can't hang wit u because I don't know how 2 even stand hangin wt myself....I wouldn't be able 2 make you laugh the way I normaly do because on the inside I'd be thinking of ways to lo0k better in your eyes...etcccccc
...my eyes are a lil watery right now...I'm not crying or anything..cause I don't do that...I don't really know y I can't keep emm dry ....
...either wayyy I just sent 2 text's to Fre$H....its 7:41pm july 14'th 2008 ......I'm goin 2 bed at 8:30pm ....and I'm not expecting a response...I don't deserve one.
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.......I dunno how 2 end this fucking entry...so I won't and when I'm 100percent better...I'll come back and continue it..or I'll leave it in the past...either way...its off my chest now and I can breath a lil bit easier....sorta.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
CaptainsLog: change of hearts and Pple
Its soooooo weird reading old entries.
......I'm usually more Vulgar in person. So I'm suprised their's no explicit talk...I guess I'm growin up :)
....a couple of entries/weeks ago I wrote about getting my new job.
.......near the end of the entry I wrote about take a friend out (now that I'm gettin PiZzaid) and showing them how much I Pre'Shate them.
.........I'm usually mad creative with gifts and surprises (you'll see)....so I had planned this bomb ass outing.
....
.......
.........we haven't spoken in about a month.
....I dunno what I did wrong (but obviously I have done something)...
...everytime we have plans to hang...something comes on my end and theirs....but ofcourse I gotta take the guilt for it.
....here's a lil example of how a convo went between us
Them: wanna hang on monday?
Me: sure but after 12pm though
Them: co0l cause I gotta go 2 the DMV in the morn anyway. We'll meet for a coffee or suttin.
Me: sounds co0l.
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.......that day I checked in a few times...2-3 text's and finally with a phone call wayyyy later on that night..that's went like this>>
Me: so what happend?...I texted u and stuff.
Them: yeah I was cleaning.
Me: how was the DMV?
Them: I aint even go.
....
.......
...........
....now I might seem stalkerLish but I had already been quiet nervous about hangin out anyway..but was sorta lookin forward to it.
...since then its like we both just sorta started distancing ourselves from each other..I would send a text every now and then...I got some responses and none at times...I'm gonna stop now.
......1 day we'll hang*
**that day is just not now or 2morrow.
....I gotta be at 4:10am (4:30am is not enough time for me 2 get ready to leave by 5:30 :(
..........................
Current Mo0d: Brave
......I'm usually more Vulgar in person. So I'm suprised their's no explicit talk...I guess I'm growin up :)
....a couple of entries/weeks ago I wrote about getting my new job.
.......near the end of the entry I wrote about take a friend out (now that I'm gettin PiZzaid) and showing them how much I Pre'Shate them.
.........I'm usually mad creative with gifts and surprises (you'll see)....so I had planned this bomb ass outing.
....
.......
.........we haven't spoken in about a month.
....I dunno what I did wrong (but obviously I have done something)...
...everytime we have plans to hang...something comes on my end and theirs....but ofcourse I gotta take the guilt for it.
....here's a lil example of how a convo went between us
Them: wanna hang on monday?
Me: sure but after 12pm though
Them: co0l cause I gotta go 2 the DMV in the morn anyway. We'll meet for a coffee or suttin.
Me: sounds co0l.
....
.......
.........
............
.................
....................
................
...........
.......
....
..
.......that day I checked in a few times...2-3 text's and finally with a phone call wayyyy later on that night..that's went like this>>
Me: so what happend?...I texted u and stuff.
Them: yeah I was cleaning.
Me: how was the DMV?
Them: I aint even go.
....
.......
...........
....now I might seem stalkerLish but I had already been quiet nervous about hangin out anyway..but was sorta lookin forward to it.
...since then its like we both just sorta started distancing ourselves from each other..I would send a text every now and then...I got some responses and none at times...I'm gonna stop now.
......1 day we'll hang*
**that day is just not now or 2morrow.
....I gotta be at 4:10am (4:30am is not enough time for me 2 get ready to leave by 5:30 :(
..........................
Current Mo0d: Brave
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