CaptainsLog: 20 or so minutes later

I'm Hard.

Ima go stand in the rain before I solve this problem in a way that's regretable...

Forget the rain...I'll watch "The Devil Wears Prada" dvd....For the 28'th time ...Lame.

CaptainsLog: if I want it..y isit wrong to have it???

The best things in life are free. Who ever said that clearly hasn't been in my shoes. Fuck emm...I always Pay.


This is gonna sound slightly evil so I'm just gonna say it.....
I want some 1.
Even though I'm taking 3 months off to keep to myself and work out and become better.....I'm almost tempted to go after (blank)....with every convo I feeling like sinning....lets branch out a lil, shall we?


....."if you want something in life you gotta go after it"
......."By any means nec.."

...we have all heard those sayings....

So if I want some one that's in a relationship---y shouldn't I go after emm. Its what I want →?....and lifes a battle ground anyway....right ???

........Now comes the issue of Karma..and that we all know Karma can be a bitchhhh....so if I steal some 1 from some 1 else.....shouldn't I now expect to fight even harder to keep em?....and shouldn't I expect drama?....hmmm do I luv drama?....
.....I'll continue this later...I'm watching T.V........


....ughhhh I just got a message....I'm gonna be nice---
4 now.

CaptainsLog: I gonna vomitttt

Question?
How does one reconcile who they are becoming with who they use to be?


.......today (april23'rd)
I started working out..I knowww I knowww..I was supposed 2 been start..but classes and bullshit had held me back....so I went 2 riteAid..bought myself some pills.....yes pills..not cause of the fast results but because I want to =)

.....I been eating egg yolks all day and taking the pills (as directed)...plus I just worked out....half hour running......and 2morrow I'll start push-ups and shit....I need to get apart of my old self back in order 2 be ok with the new me I'm trying 2 portray and actually be........


So while on the treadmil (sweating buckets) and looking G☆★D (yeah I think sweat looks go0d..especially on me..long story =)

..my cuz walks in...and says:
"Ughhh your sooo into your self....your not all that"..she also followed it  with a "Eww" and a "you think your gonna look hot?"

..now I never claimed to be an Adonis..but I always thought I was ok in the "looks" department....
.....with that said..I could never pass near a mirror and not look into it......

Some pple STEAL
Others CHEAT
A few are GLUTONS
and Billions are GREEDY.
I guess VANITY is my greatest SIN.

CaptainsLog: Lets fill in some blanx

April14:
I woke . I assumed my day was gonna well. It was the day before Mariah's album was set to drop and also oneof the few reasons I would tune into Oprah aka the "Big O".

By 9 o'clock I find myself breaking a fight.
Getting caught in drama.
Running  a flight of stairs and into a street where a few pple were waiting 2 fight.

Noww lets pause for a second...I swore off fighting because I felt like I been fighting my whole life......be physical or what ever.....I'll also admit in my second year of highschool me and my boi got jumped (ima say ambushed instead)...I got hits in...my boi?...NO COMMENT :(
..(WE NO LONGER SPEAK).

....ok so yeah...apparently 1 of the idiots that were fighting (and their both family as embarassing as it is) decided to call sneak off and call a few wanna thugs to wait outside...so when I ran outside 2 try and talk some sense into Idiot#1....I soon realized that a pen was coming str8 for me...so what did I do?...pushed idiot#1 to the side..took off my left sneaker and thru it...then the shit hit the fan..my mom called the police....and police reports were filed...I was ready 2 get arrested....if no 1 stopped the fight...it woulda needed medical attention....nowww...for those who know me...they know a
Sarcastic, nice, funny, at times awkward and I would like t think a helping and sympathetic person...for those who REALLYYYYY know me they'll prolly say some of the previously mentioned and add in that I always have to be →, likes to argue, has a bad temper, quickly angerd and holds in feelings till it explodes ....''''sigh'''
...I'm not gonna try and change any 1 ones mind about me...frankly--if I'm nice 2 u...its cause I am..if I'm mean 2 u..the its cause I was nice once upon a time and u made me mean 2 u...

I no longer speak or even awknowledge the fact that idiot 1 is alive.....I don't consider idiot#1 a human being...I have done a lot for her in my past..even lost friends and lowerd myself...I'm thru...no more chances...with that said...I don't wish bad things on idiot#1---cause for me 2 do so..I would have 2 care...I longer do.

As for idiot#2..I'm keeping my distance and trying 2 move forward....

Their is an idiot#3...we won't mentione her cause she's an enabler and prolly caused all this.....


So its april 24'th...a lil after 2am..and I feel like all the self work I have done has been destroyed......its not easy starting from scratch.....especially when you've forgotten the recipe for moving past the present.



Earlier I got a message on myspace from some 1 who wants 2 lick me :)


A big flirt? Maybe.
Did I play along?
Fuck yeah....will it go further?...nope-we live on 2 different continents :(
.....ohhh well

CaptainsLog:: "Please, Sir, what is time?"

"Time is of your own making;
its clock ticks in your head.
The moment you stop thought
time too stops dead."


The past. Interestingly un'interesting.
Lets venture shall we???


Whe I attended LongIslandUniversity it was an interesting time....like every first college year.
It got stail after 2 weeks..then I started meeting pple. Some more interesting than others. Others I regret even getting to know (I'm sure the feeling is mutual) and others I'll never forget and lost contact with.


Ok lets park the ship in my English class....
Lets describe what were see'ing....

1) Me ::waves:: ....at that time if u noticed I had shoulder length hair...I might have been going thru a black hippy stage because my hair is not combed.....I prolly have on baggy clothes...cause I had no 1 t impress...I'm sitting in the second row and maybe the 5'th or 6'th seat.

2) the professor is wearing jeans..thin. Half hippie and half baked.

3) the class is semi full....at this point the "Me in da past" is not really friends with every 1...but talks to a cool russian kid and a hispanic girl.

THEN IT HAPPENS.....
I'm sitting  ofcourse. Waiting for the class to start. A girl with long gold (maddd Golddd) hurrr wearing a pink tee and blue jeans walks in and sits → in the seat ahead of mines....and I lost it when I looked  and seen a pink thong....and crackkkkkk =)

Why are we here?
Because earlier today I found my old english notes and remember the cool times and embarassing times I had in that class....my first college crush etcc..it sturr'd  some memories....I'm thinking aout headin 2 myspace and maybe contacting a few of them.....ok I'm over it....


GAS  THE SHIP AND LETS BACK BACK 2 PRESENT TIME....

2 minutes to midnight...I'm bullShitting on aim...blogging (Duhhh)...watching T.V......and even though I'm doing all this and texting and drinking =)

I can't get some 1 off my mind...I'm trying...I'm ready for SHOCK THERAPY :(

CaptainsLog:: Never strait, always forward.

Today we'll journey to a land Far, Farrrrr away. A land where no 1 takes you seriously. A place where people take lunch at Fucking 9:45am (ok I'll save the cursing for the next 2 paragraphs..because I'm nice)..NOTTTTT!!!
In this land we'll encounter would be employees doing their job, but aren't ofcourse.

Where is this place?
34'th street ofcourse....now lets rewind a little....


6:00am: Alarm rings...I hit the snooze

6:10am: alarm rings again. I hit snooze and keep on hittin it till 7 :)

7:00am: I grab my phone...check my Aim, Yahoo and MSN...followed by email and lastly Text's....by 7:05am I'm continuing a somewhat dirty convo I was involved in the nightbefore..I then grab my towel...and make my way 2 the bathr0om.

7:34am: I'm out the bathroom...

7:50'ishAm: I decide its time 2 eat some breakfast (for once in my life)...I originally thought cereal...but my homeGirl hit me ---so I decided 2 pretend to know how 2 c0ok and make some eggs......about 10min later the eggs are done...and ofcourse ♂ pretended to like-emm...but it was maddd salty..Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™ ...I aint eat it..♂ did and it made me wonder what else I could get her t swallow :)



8:20 or so: ♂ leaves...and I go 2 the store 2 purchase a MetroCard...and ofcourse I'm dressed like a security guard slash BatMan imposter.....so
I decide to leave the cape'd looking coat at home....mind you it was HOTTTTTT as hell :)

8:35am: I'm on the B35 and some body decides that no 1 else will mind if they wear a whole bottle of cologne...ughhh

9:40am: I'm out the train, got my music on and im walkin like I'm being chased...y?..not sure..instincts I guess.

9:50am: I get there....I asked for a Miss(blank)...and I'm told ♂ went out 2 lunch...now I'm like WTF?...there's 2 problems with that. I called her 3 times last week (got no call back) and what kind of job lets their employees take lunch literally 20 minutes after scarfing down b'fast?!

11 thirtySomething: and Miss(blank) comes and ofcourse wants 2 chitChat...at this point I'm sooo over her and the nice recetionist who keeps telling me she's hungry..maybe the assumed because I was black I carried fried chicken in my pockets and rice in my bookBag and perhaps had a bottle of fiftyCent soda tucked in my sock.

Few minutes later I was led to a room..where I was asked to fill out like 3 million forms. I then realized at that moment I couldn't find my Drivers license...that's great!!!

This third lady comes in with a stick and tells me to put it in my mouth...I laugh-cause I assumed ♂ was joking....♂ said it again soo nowww I turn and look at her...I asked "What is that?"....and ♂ said "its a spit..uhhh DNA drug type thing"..obviously ♂ was cnfused and how could I not trust some 1 who clearly has no knowledge if what she's doing?!......♂ was cute though (very cute in the face and wide in the waist)..so I put the stick in my mouth for 5 minutes....♂ comes in and tells me to remove..I play deaf...and ♂ removes it for me.....so I ask her>> "after the orientation next week, how long before I'm placed at my place of employment?"...♂ says "I dunno".....now I'm mad again so I tell her to bring me some that does know....and who does ♂ get?..Miss(Blank)...ughhh
.....♂ answerd the question... vaguely ofcourse and can u blame her?..y answer a simple question head on?...ughhh.......I'm done--Now I'm outa hereee.

Its now about 1 o'clock. CrewShip members---that place I was @ is a place where GOODTIMES go 2 DIE....so stay away from it......so here I am now..5:14pm....texting and talking on aim and blogging....and I jus got asked for a DickPic---thats sooo highschool and I don't do that anymore (for real this time)...but I'm bored---so I'm gonna let my Wenis have some camera time......
Next distination?
Where ever 2morrow brings me..or 2 the bronx to baby sit Kiesha and Tyrone..**Don't Ask** :0

CaptainsLog:"Would you take offense if I had the gall to plant a kiss on this beautiful shoulder?"-"You'll figure that out soon enough after the deed"

"According to some evolutionary psychologists, FLIRTING may even be the foundation of civilisation as we know it. They argue that the large human brain – our superior intelligence, complex language, everything that distinguishes us from animals – is the equivalent of the peacock's tail: a courtship device evolved to attract and retain sexual partners. Our achievements in everything from art to rocket science may be merely a side-effect of the essential ability to CHARM."

This entry is a dedication, not really to the Art of Flirting, but to correct any confusion from my FLIRTING (or how ever its percieved)

I was having a lil convo the other day with a child hood friend. Who pointed out that I need to stop flirting with every 1 that comes my way....ofcourse I got defensive. Not because I'm not guilty of some flirting, but because when I say the things I say its seldom meant to lead the person on with no intent of a sex or a relationship....anddddd my humor (and if u know me G☆★D enough you can agree) is pretty out there. Its usually nice with a touch of vulgarity and sometimes witty mixed with again Vulgarity and on some rare occasions..when I am talking to some 1 I realllllly like...I'm nice-a little quiet even. Feel me?





in my earlier days I def flirted a lot......it was fun
It was fun while in Florida
It was fun 2 flirt on line
It was fun to flirt at funerals
Karate class etccc


..and it made junior highschool and highschool real fun. It came naturally to me--especially in highschool when I no longer was at my 32'waist...because every 1 knows when ur fat you gotta make  for it by being veryyyy veryyyyy funny and able t delivery quit ributals and witty (sometimes dirty) comeBax.... with that said even if I wasn't attracted to the person facing me, a convo would usually go in my favor......the thought it was in theirs but I was winning the whole time (in my head anyway)

After early last year. I took on a new way of showing emotion. I just didn't show it...
In some ways I'm still not back 2 normal. Those closest know y. Maybe I should seek professional help?..Nahhhh ---im getting thru it =)
Because I have to.

...so after that night early last year
i terminated my gym membership,
Left NY and moved in with my cuz (wrong choice on my part)....
and I stopped the needless flirting buttt lets be real here for a min pple.
FLIRTING makes the person feel important. I know I feel good when some 1 flirts with me. It makes me feel like I'm not as ugly on the outside as I feel on the inside...feel me?
So when I'm flirting with you (if I really AM, Because again-alot of the shit I say is usually easily mistaken for FLIRTING).... its just because I am...and because I want to.. Orrr the convo just took that direction
Be it sex filled or dirty or funny or me cmplimenting you like crazy etccc
and more often than not..I'm not aware I'm doing it...here's a sample of a convo I had last night.

Victom: What you doin Peanut?
Me:: laying .
Victom: ohh your tired?
Me: yeah, tired of thinking about you.


Now a lot of pple sees that as flirting..some sees it as even rude, but maybe I just wanted 2 respond with that answer (and trust me when I'm laying  and talking on the phone, one hand holding the phone the other in my pants, there's alotttttt of stuff I could respond with) ....hurting pple is seldom (Seldom meaning NEVER) something on my "To-Do" list.

So here's how its gonna go.
Im gonna watch what I say (ok-ima try)....but if your like my CHILDHOODFRIEND .(U KNOW WHO U IZ)...just let me know that I'm crossing a line or getting you WET where you don't wanna be, but if you think im FLIRTING with u and your FLIRTING back than u like it?...Right?
Aight then....soooo dont think ima give u a thank-you for pointing out this flaw that u think makes me "slutty'ish" but when I'm around you or in conversation with you I will
A) Tone it down
B) keep the eye contact minimal
C) and keep my hands to my self

Sad were not as cool as we used to be. ... ... ... its cool though--changes are taking place. Its not enough to know your around, I need to physically be around you. I like you a lot.

Oops...that's flirting isn't it?...
Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™ ...or not.
Its all subjective babe.

<3....no luv lost.

captainsLog: I'm here. Again.

I'm here.

I had a blog a while back.
It upset a few pple....not because I was a name dropper or spiteful....but because pple couldn't handle "My Truth"...and refused to dispute theirs....and that's cool.
With that said. A lot is taking place...I need to document not cause I can't remember, buttttt because I dont feel like I can call pple at 3 am to rant. (Btw to those who makes it the norm to ring me  after 2am...I appreciate that, but u know I'll never do it..=)

I need to give fire...and this is how I'm gonna do it.

As the entries continue you will notice:
Spelling errors
Lots of Dots
Even more dots
Amazing stories told in a starTrak format
how I growwww
What makes me weak
Who makes me laugh
And the weird pple and situations I come across...all this will be done as they happen (thank god for my SideKick) .......alright now please buckle your seat belt...next stop?
..........read next Entry :)

CaptainsLog: is an update needed?..hell yeah ! ! !

Where do I start?...lets begin with my adventures in my "Work" related life...lets recap what I have done for money lol
1) first job I ever held was a position as a personal assistant for a RealEstate/land agent....*no comment*

2) second was a TeleMarketers position...did I like it?..nope, but it paid 11 bux an hour...so I did what I had to.

3) third was interesting. I was now a Real'estate agent....yeah I made some money but it was never consistant...on the plus side-I got to see and show some amazing upperWestSide lofts =)

4) fourth is funny...I sold knives...wasn't the proudest moment of my life..but I got paid $15.00 an hour...so yeah/ my pride took a backseat to the Mulahhhh

5)Mortgage broker...actually I started to become one...but again themoney wasn't consistant and christmas was coming ....so I ← it butttt still do it part time :) ...

6) WebFulfillment@Paragon sports...for this I gotta give my boy Chu all the credit. I had interviewed for a trabajo in NewJerz for talent agency and actually got the job (@12.50/hour) .....but I realized traveling more than 2 hours to work is was a bit much...Chu suggested Paragon (again..lol)....I went-got hired on the spot...but the pay threw me off at first I'll admitt..but I got 2 work alongside good pple and a great friend....yup...I'm a lucky basterd now that I think of it

So the paragon thing ended 2 days before christmas...fastward to 2 weeks ago...I saw a criagslist ad...it was vague and I decided to call for more info...it was for security training...I immediately thought "nopeeee, I'll pass" ...and then called them the next day...lol
So I went to training...took Maddd exams and studied maddd hard. I got 3 certificates stating I finished the courses..my license will come in 3 months, I get free healthcare and as a bonus I went on my own and got my fireguard license (I passed on the spot)...so that means moreee money....ohhh and wearing a uniform :(

Ladies and gents I have realized that stability is not a bad thing. A job does not define an employee..when I told a friend about this new journey...he said "y do you always take the temporary type jobs?...ur gonna leave it anyway" ...to be 100 percent honest I felt sorta embarassed when ♀ said that...maybe ima Quitter!!!
Maybe I also need help...Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™ ..ok I'm over it.....I don't plan on quitting this anytime soon-even if I win the lottery and naomi campbel ask's me to...this is gonna give me a steady paycheck...free days...and the time to save  and maybe go back to school...or get my own place...more on that later...

I ← a few jobs out.....cause some of emm I quit after 3 weeks and others were just a phase. I have my reasons....
Perry from "MakeMeASuperModel" had on the same green tie that I got from EXPRESS and also have in gold....y did I add that?...not sure---but it is a Bad assss tieeee..For realzzzz

CaptainsLog: Mullet On Crotch ..N0t the B3st Lo0k

Yesterday morning I went to take a shower and noticed that no water was coming out the faucet......ofcourse our landlord decided that he doesn't have 2 warn any one before doing this.
So I waited till later on in the afternoon to try this shower thing again..all the while thinking to myself...

1) I need to shave. Its been 7 days and my facial here is here once again

2) My chest hair is forming a weird pattern (by no means am I a fur ball though)..should I shave that too?

3) since I have shaving creme but don't use it...instead of leaving it there ...y not shave my balls?!

......commence to me shaving my face now....I decided to pass on the chest...and hop in the shower....and take the razor 2 the Nutz =)

.....I hop in the shower...the water is taking a lil long to get warm.....so anyway I lather  the shaving creme..held my junk ..and latherd my twinz (who btw are fraternal =)

I start on the →...I go → into a tuck job and went full throttle (but slowly) with the razor..........this is where the shit hits the storm.

My landlord come rushing into the bathroom like a bat outta hell....I dropped the razor immediately and acted like I wasn't doin anything Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™ .....he then proceeds to let me know water is leaking downstairs...was there any on the floor?...nope/but ♀ insisted I rinse off and get out the bathroom.....sooo there I am

Buckeddd Nakeddd
Holding my Wenis.... and
Shivering a little because the water turned cold and im wondering "Y me?"

.......so I get out..go to my room..towel off..look below..and notice that my sack looks like its sporting a LopSided Mullet -like the 1 A.C used to rock on "Save by the Bell" ...with those high waisted Acid wash jeans and neon colord tees.

....lesson learned?....not really...cause i gotta finish what I started. I'm not a pro @ this, but I be doing a KickAss trabajo...with that said I only keep it bald when in a dating or hooking  situation---the breezy feeling feels good..Ｌ(ッ)Ｌ™...
But I think I'm done with my shaving days....its not worth it....then again
I get bored easily---im not promising S%#T...